


To Deserve Happiness

by fallouise



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Romance, Time Skips, TomoHimaWeek2018
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-06 23:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15895914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallouise/pseuds/fallouise
Summary: Life after high school isn’t picture perfect by any means. Many things don’t turn out the way either of them expect it to, but with a little bit of stumbling and a lot of love, Tomoe and Himari learn what growing up means for themselves.TomoHima Week 2018.





	1. Karaoke

**Author's Note:**

> Song reference in the first chapter is frederic's ["Only Wonder."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCrwzN6eb4Q)
> 
> A spiritual sequel to my other tomohima fic, "Now I'm Up in the Air," but it's not necessary to read to understand this one! The chapters themselves are loosely connected, though with the time skips you should be able to read each of them separately. Just know that they're already dating at the start of this story, and that is consistent throughout.  
> I gave myself a soft word cap at 2k each chapter as practice (to uhhh varying success LOL).
> 
> ^^ I have most of the prompts already written, just waiting for each individual day to post. Thank you for reading!!

“If it’s karaoke, it’s gotta be anime openings.”

“No!! Ballads! Think about the romance! The love!”

“I think about that enough already,” Tomoe spoke a little quieter. The sentiment was lost as Himari blushed. It was even further thrown out the window as Tsugumi chuckled and Moca wolf whistled. Ran buried their head in the songbook.

Tomoe’s face grew warm at the silence. “No, wait. Come on. Why are we making this embarrassing? Himariii, why aren’t you saying anything?”

Her girlfriend stuck her tongue out. “Because that just proves we _should_ sing a ballad together, doesn’t it? Tooo-moe, please!”

It was the annual Afterglow reunion—since Himari had moved away for university, since Ran and Moca had moved out on their own, since Tomoe and Tsugumi stayed local but found that life had become busier since high school, having all five of them together quickly became a rare occasion.

When university started, they would see each other near monthly. Himari conjured up the silliest of reasons to see each other. She needed someone to bring food for her. It would be a crime if she saw this movie by herself. Ran wasn’t messaging back and Moca didn’t give straight answers, which obviously meant knocking down their door at near 11 at night, takeout and gossip on hand. At best, it was Himari holding onto something while she adjusted to her life at uni.

During her worse days, she called Tomoe, asking if being homesick was the same as missing her friends. Tomoe always said the same thing to Himari on those days, bandaging her bleeding heart and holding onto her outstretched arms.

Eventually, her heart bled a little less, and home didn’t feel several miles away.

So, they didn’t meet as often anymore. Love and distance had a way of working that way, but they still found their ways into each other’s lives, nestled in deep as childhood memories. Though they had separate lives now, there was something, something inexplicably theirs as they wandered back together as a group.

Even now, as Himari tapped in a Kana Nishino song and Tomoe hastily deleted the entry, returning to their group’s habits felt a lot like coming back home.

“How are we supposed to beat Ran singing that?” Tomoe picked up a spare songbook, flicking through the pages.

“You’re not supposed to beat me,” Ran interjected. They dropped the songbook onto the table, crossing their arms as they leaned back. The karaoke room was compact, narrow with a table squished between two couches, and the karaoke machine and TV at the end of the room. “I was the lead singer. Isn’t singing kind of my thing?”

“Let them have this,” Moca raised her glass. She was on her third round of alcohol, sipping it nonchalantly to the side. “They don’t have a spiiicy romance like we do. They’re so sweet I might have to go to the dentist after this.”

“I’m glad they’re happy, though,” Tsugumi whispered. Himari and Tomoe weren’t paying attention to the three of them at all. Even so, Ran and Moca smiled along with Tsugumi.

“Sentimental as always, Tsugu,” Moca grabbed Tsugumi’s cup and handed it to her.

“I think we could get a pretty high score! Through the power of our undying love?” Himari pouted, sinking her head and silently begging her. Tomoe didn’t know where the girl had learned that. Who had taught it to her? Her parents? Her older sister? Himari didn’t even know when she did it, wearing her heart on her sleeve because she already had so much love inside her.

Oh man. She really was off the deep end for Himari. Undying love didn’t even begin to cut it.

“I, uh. I can’t hit notes high enough for that,” Tomoe scratched the back of her head, eyes still scanning the book.

“Uwah... You love me that much?” Himari closed the distance between the two of them, pulling Tomoe down into a hug. Yup. Hugs were what they both needed right then. The arm holding the songbook went limp as Tomoe leaned into their embrace.

“’Course I do.”

Was it okay if she kissed Himari? Sometimes it wasn’t enough—the hugs, the words—and Tomoe wanted to express her love for the girl beyond that. She pulled back slightly so that she could look her girlfriend in the eyes.

Himari was already on her tiptoes, leaning her head in for the kiss.

“Since you’re having trouble picking,” Ran had stood up, stealing the microphone from Himari. They punched in some numbers, and the song preview started playing on the TV. Distinct guitars erupted in the room. Tomoe recognized this song; it was something she’d drum along to when she wanted to get out of a slump. “Moca and I picked the song for you.”

“What!” Himari bounded away from Tomoe in an instant, and Tomoe stood there, still adjusting to the warmth that was now missing. She should’ve gone for the kiss when she had the chance. “That’s not fair! How are we supposed to beat you?”

Ran smirked. “I’m sure your undying love can cover that.”

“You doubt that now, Ran, but you’ll need some of that love when we pick your song next,” Himari wagged an accusing finger at her friend.

Tsugumi raised her glass. She’d always been a lightweight, and in a voice louder than was necessary, she cheered them on with, “We’re _here_ for you two, you know!!! You’ll do great!”

“When Tsugu cheers for us like that, we have no choice, huh?” Tomoe laughed, throwing an arm over Himari’s shoulders and tossing the songbook onto the table. This was fine. She’d have later and the rest of the weekend to have Himari for herself. Ran pressed the ‘start’ button, before handing Tomoe the mic. She held it up for both Himari and herself.

Himari was still throwing hand gestures at Moca as Tomoe squeezed her. “We have to win,” Himari declared. “Put your entire heart into this song, Tomoe, we’re going for 100!”

“Right!! Let’s do this!”

They turned towards the screen as the countdown to the lyrics ticked down. It was a fast, upbeat song. The syllables were pronounced and bouncy, and perfect for karaoke, meaning that so long as they compensated for actual singing with volume, they had a chance at a decent score. That was how karaoke usually worked, didn’t it?

Tomoe threw all sense of embarrassment away, swaying her hips and encouraging Himari to move along with her as they started singing.

At least, that was how it was supposed to go.

Himari’s voice was shaky as she kept up, but for a fast, loud song like this, that wouldn’t be enough.

As they hit the first chorus, Tomoe dropped her arm around Himari’s waist, tightening her hold as she forced Himari off her feet. Himari choked out a surprised laugh, but Tomoe wasn’t finished, twirling her in a loose circle. Tomoe buried her face in her pink hair, smelling strawberry and feeling giddy and light. Being so close to her, Tomoe felt drunk on happiness. That could’ve been the alcohol talking, but even sober, Tomoe knew she’d think the same.

“ _Singing with the one person I can’t leave alone_ ,” Tomoe sung her heart out, making sure that Himari knew she was the one she was singing to. “ _Even if I don’t become number one, you laughed._ ”

“ _Wonder, tender, only one will open the door_ ,” Himari laughed, finishing the chorus along with her. There. Himari finally sounded a lot less self-conscious.

Now they had the rest of the song to win karaoke.

Himari grasped Tomoe’s hand on her waist and let herself unravel away. They danced in place at the instrumental break, breaking out the finger guns as Himari jumped closer again for the upcoming verse.

Moca and Tsugumi cheered as Himari raised her air bass guitar, plucking at it as if she were the one performing onstage. Tomoe pulled Ran onto their feet, and despite their initial resistance, they were dancing along with Tomoe and Himari by the next chorus. Tsugumi clumsily came forward as well, causing Himari to yell into the mic as she stumbled on the corner of the couch.

The thought that Tomoe was singing too loudly crossed her mind, but it left just as quickly as the four of them slurred the lyrics into the mic. They hadn’t been in a proper band in years. Even Ran, self-proclaimed lead singer, was struggling to keep up with the song’s fast pace.

And Moca had her phone out, recording the mess, though she was swaying right along with them.

They clapped along to the song’s beat. They fell back into familiar positions. Without explaining anything, Tomoe handed Ran the mic, lingering towards the back with Tsugumi as their lead singer took center stage. Himari twirled to the side. It wasn’t as if they were a band anymore; Afterglow had graduated along with their high school careers. They could’ve chosen any hobby in middle school, but they chose music, and the music that they created stuck with them.

The end of the song came with frantic guitars, a goodbye that rushed in just as quickly as its entrance. Without prompt, Tomoe, Himari, and Tsugumi let Ran have the moment, stealing everyone’s attention when they held onto the last note.

No longer teens and no longer a formal band, the heart of Afterglow was found somewhere between the echo of the cheap karaoke machine and the wild look in all their eyes.

“What happened to karaoke being a competition?” Ran asked, breathless. They placed the microphone on the table, and again they were all reminded of how small the karaoke room truly was. It was far from the packed live shows they’d put on, but they had decided on their own accord that their lives were going in different directions.

“I guess we’ll just have to sing every song together,” Tomoe dared suggest. Now wasn’t the time for that, though. Coming together today was a way to reconnect to these memories, not to regret over past decisions.

Though their paths were different now, they weren’t worse off, or filled with remorse. It was just who they were.

In fact, Tomoe would even risk saying she was happy.

“No way! _No_ way!!” Himari surprised everyone, gasping as her hand reached out to jab Tomoe. Her eyes were glued to the television, mouth agape. Everyone followed her attention. With a drumroll and grainy special effects, the score of their performance jumped onto the screen.

A whopping 97.

“Wow,” Tomoe whistled. “Yeah, you’re right, Himari. We can’t share that score.”

“Traitor!” Ran yanked the microphone up once again. They already had a song in mind as the TV started playing its preview. “Your love better be undying when I’m done with you.”

Moca broke out into hysterics; the alcohol had finally hit her. “Oh nooo, karaoke is tearing this family apart.”

Tsugumi sniffled. She then tumbled onto the couch on the verge of tears. Face warm and knees weak from drinking, she looked each person in the eye as if they’d said something revolutionary. “W-We’re family? Even after all this time?”

Tomoe’s heart resounded with a pang.

Tsugumi was the kind of girl to carry the world on her shoulders, and Tomoe wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in a giant hug. If it were possible, she would gladly roll the unseen weight off her shoulders and promise her hyperboles like always being there for Tsugumi. Instead, Tomoe knelt beside her, a hand on her knee. “Don’t ever doubt it, Tsugu. We’re family _because_ of all this time.”

At that, the rest of them spurred into action.

“Look, you made her cry, Moca,” Himari chided behind Tomoe, patting Tsugumi on the head.

Tsugu choked. “Sorry for crying.”

“I never ever mean it… you all know that,” she replied in a quiet voice, surprisingly honest for once. And if Moca was telling the truth, then perhaps times really had changed.

Of the people in the room, Tomoe hadn’t expected Ran to be the one to speak up. “Tsugu, come up here with me,” they instructed. Their voice was petulant. They had that look on their face, when they weren’t sure if they were a second away from bursting out in anger or breaking out into tears. When Tsugumi stared in surprise, Ran gestured to the space beside them.

“Sure?” Tsugumi said, wobbly on her feet but making her way over.

Ran pressed the mic into her hands. “Do you remember what we used to say? Whenever we’d perform, or a day passed like nothing.”

Tsugumi hiccupped, wiping her tears from her face before looking at Ran directly. “Yeah, it was the same as always.”

“It’s the same now. We’re still the same people from back then,” Ran said. They were resolute. They were sure. Tomoe knew that, even now, Ran was still working through things on their own, but hearing them assert this so confidently—this was the Ran that Tomoe admired. “and we have the rest of our lives to be together, you know. That won’t ever change.”

“Yeah,” Tsugumi gripped the microphone like a lifeline. “yeah, you’re right.”

“We’re going to sing together, okay?” Ran reached out to wrap a hand over Tsugumi’s on the mic. “It’ll be like we’ve always done.”

“As expected of Ran-chan,” Moca snickered. Her smile eased as she watched over Ran with kind eyes. Tomoe didn’t know where time had gone, when Moca Aoba could look at someone with so much love. “it wouldn’t be Ran if they weren’t so emotional, of course.”

“You,” Ran pointed at Moca as Tsugumi chose a song. “be quiet.”

Himari clapped her hands together, bending down to rest her head atop of Tomoe’s. She settled onto the floor, legs outstretched, and sat front row to the best performance of the night. And Himari stayed close.

The karaoke room was cramped. It was barely enough for an audience of five.

But close together like this, Tomoe couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.


	2. Sunset/Date

It was a fact of life that Himari’s first date would be with Tomoe Udagawa.

She could spin fairy tales and romcom plotlines out of this. If Tomoe were a transfer student, then Himari would be the protagonist, sitting at the back of the class and next to the open window. They would’ve made eye contact by accident, and that was only the beginning—at that moment, there would be recognition, an instant “I’ve known about you all my life and many lives over.” Reincarnation, rebirth, the constant cycle of it, and having the courage to fall in love every time… wow, if only Tomoe really were a transfer student.

As it were, Tomoe was a girl she’d known her entire life. There was no reincarnation, no dramatic love triangle, or a drawn-out affair.

Falling in love with Tomoe was so, so painfully normal. Tomoe was on the phone when Himari cried, thinking she was bleeding to death on her first period. Himari was at the mall when Tomoe realized she needed new clothes, having grown out of her old ones too quickly. For the two of them, they had always been there for each other.

When Tomoe had come out to her, and Himari came to terms with the fact that maybe, somehow, she was gay too, then things returned to normal. In the end, despite tears and apologies and confessions, nothing changed.

Everything led up to this moment.

Himari clutched the hem of her denim jacket, before smoothing her monochrome miniskirt down. Tomoe had always preferred to wear more muted colors. And as this was their first official date, shouldn’t Himari put a little thought into what she wore? Wanting to match was a very normal, and sincerely obvious thing to do in this situation. Himari pulled out her phone, swiping to the camera and giving herself a once-over. She had her sister do her hair up into a bun, leaving some strands to frame her face.

Jeez. She was overthinking it, wasn’t she? Then again, who wouldn’t want to look cute on their first date?! So, maybe Himari was thinking just the right amount, after all.

She was waiting at the train station for her date. Her date. Her girlfriend. The words felt tingly on her lips, leaving her lightheaded and dazed. Tomoe was her girlfriend. On a perfect Sunday like this, the crowd was larger than usual. There was an energy to it. Everyone was ready to enjoy the day, and that included herself. Himari slipped her phone back into her purse. She failed to calm her beating heart.

“Himari-!” a familiar voice then called to her.

She might be a little dramatic, but Himari allowed herself this, feeling like her eyes knew where exactly to find Tomoe. In the masses of the crowd, it was easy to spot the red hair.

Even Tomoe Udagawa was the type of girl to dress up for a date, Himari thought to herself. Her fragile, maiden heart seized at the thought, raising her hand as Tomoe made her way through the crowd. As Himari predicted, Tomoe wore a gray-blue button-up. Its sleeves hugged her arms comfortably. Red hair curled and wavy, she looked as if she’d aged overnight—which Himari  _knew_ , because they were on a video call last night. When Tomoe finally squeezed past the final group of rushing adults, she stood in front of Himari, a growing smile on her face.

“I didn’t make you wait long, did I?” Tomoe asked, reaching for Himari’s hand like she’d always done.

“Nope, you’re good,” she answered, but she wasn’t thinking about the time anymore. Had Tomoe’s hands always been this warm? Those were the callouses that Himari knew. This was Tomoe in front of her, alright. But everything about the girl seemed so different, so new, and Himari was having trouble keeping up. “Let’s get going?”

“Sure,” Tomoe’s laugh sounded forced, and for the first time that day, Himari noticed that she was nervous as well. Neither of them had much experience with dating, huh? Why didn’t she go on more before this?! Or, in the least, go on some practice dates. Or something. Anything. She didn’t like heading into things unprepared at all. Then again, it wasn’t like there were many girls in high school that advertised that they were gay and willing to practice dating.

Did straight girls go through this too? Himari was nineteen and though she loved romance and wanted to be swept off her feet, she felt inexperienced and at a loss.

Despite her qualms, Himari did want her first date to be with Tomoe. It was a weird, exhilarating feeling to look at her in a different light. It was like she was seeing Tomoe for the first time, but also not at all?

Maybe things had changed between them after all.

These were the thoughts that shadowed her mind as they neared the restaurant.

It was a new place celebrating its grand opening. It had a cute little patio with a veranda at its entrance and vines wrapped around columns. It had a homely, yet posh look to it, and not at all something that Himari imagined going to often.

“It, uh,” Tomoe worried her bottom lip, sizing up the restaurant. “looks nice?”

“Oh, yeah! It does,” Himari giggled, and oh what the heck, this wasn’t what she wanted to do. She would’ve cracked a joke to ease Tomoe’s nervousness, would’ve said she did prefer just buying something from the convenience store and eating at the park, but—that wasn’t what a first date was about, was it?!

They entered the restaurant, silent after that exchange.

“A table for two,” Tomoe told the waiter.

Soon after, they were led to the back of the restaurant, next to a large window that overlooked a garden in the back. The inside of the restaurant itself was cozy and warmly lit, preferring to use natural lighting.

Was she actually here? With Tomoe sitting across from her? With how blind she felt navigating this first date, with how foreign this dating territory seemed, it almost didn’t feel like it could be Tomoe. But it was. And  _she_ was. Wow. Yeah. Tomoe was her girlfriend and they were on a date. This was real. Himari played with her hands in her lap.

“It really feels like we’re on a date now,” Himari said below her breath, just enough for Tomoe to hear.

“Huh?! It does, huh?” Tomoe exclaimed, her eyes going wide.

Jeez!!!!

Tomoe was too wrapped up in her head about this! They were getting nowhere with this.

The waiter appeared by their table again with a platter, setting glasses of water down and handing each of them a menu. After that, he placed a basket of breadsticks between them. “I’ll be back shortly to take your orders, but please enjoy these in the meantime,” he bowed his head.

Once he left, they flipped open their menus. It wasn’t despair that consumed Himari, no, it was a nervousness that gave her tunnel vision. It was the way that Tomoe scrunched her nose as she looked at the menu, or how her eyes widened as she read something. Tomoe never thought to do much with her hair, but she had today, and the thought of that made Himari’s tongue twist.

She felt so nervous, so aware of Tomoe, that she wasn’t sure how to  _talk_ to her, now that they were here.

Himari was staring, wasn’t she? Tomoe’s face reddening gave it away.

She ducked her head behind her menu, calming the flutter of her heart with a hand on her chest. Somehow, even if their feelings were the same, and confessing had been the easy part, going on a date was a different ball game altogether.

Himari focused her attention on the menu. Then she read the menu again, and a third time. Her eyes went from the appetizers to the main dishes, then to the back cover to read the desserts. Himari did a little mental math. The price tag at this restaurant seemed to only rise.

“Isn’t this way too expensive?” she blurted out.

Tomoe breathed a sigh of relief. She tossed her menu onto the table, reaching for her glass of water. “Good. I thought I was the only one thinking that.”

“Oh my God,” Himari whispered. Though Tomoe’s family was well-off, her parents had raised a frugal kid. Tomoe never imposed anymore than was necessary. She’d even taken up a part-time job after graduating high school, insisting that she didn’t want to be a burden. But for all the kindheartedness and goodwill of her girlfriend, that meant outrageously priced restaurant food was just out of the question.

Himari leaned towards Tomoe, scared that the other customers would hear—or even worse, the restaurant staff. What if the waiters could already sense her indecisiveness? The breadsticks in between them only mocked her further. “Aren’t we underdressed for this? Why didn’t we look up the menu before coming here?”

“It’s a new place! We wanted to go somewhere new,” Tomoe replied in an equally hushed and urgent murmur. Tomoe’s gaze flicked downward before their eyes met again. “But, uh, I do think… you look really good today.”

Himari sat down on her chair. Her face felt warm. “Oh, you dummy. You were better with your compliments before we started dating, you know.”

“Was I?” Tomoe chuckled, a hand coming to the back of her head in her embarrassment. Was Tomoe always this bashful? The girl lowered her arm, letting her shoulders sag. She aimed an apologetic smile her way. “Sorry… I didn’t realize—or, I wasn’t ready for everything to feel so, uh. New?”

New? That was a good way to put it.

“I think I know what you mean,” she smiled in return. It was like Himari was learning about Tomoe from scratch. It was exciting, just as much as it was stressful!! That was the hard part. They’d been friends for years, and now there was this new side to Tomoe that she had to figure out how she matched with.

If they at least had this in common, then they already had a better chance of working this out.

“Anyway,” Himari raised her menu once more. “What are we doing about this? They already gave us breadsticks!”

“We can—uh, let’s,” Tomoe scrambled to pick up her menu too, looking through its contents. She was nearly glaring at its words. Despite trying to cover for it with action, her anxiety betrayed her as she spoke at a fast pace, “We’re here for, you know, like. A date. So, I think we can splurge a little? It’s a special thing for the both of us.”

_Toommmoeee! Stop making me nervous!!_  Himari wanted to yell at her, if not for the fact that they were in a restaurant and restaurants expected things like etiquette out of them. It felt like they were conspiring against the restaurant, a corporation that was out for their money. How much cheaper would it have been to just cook at home? “H-How about we split a dish? They’re giving us free breadsticks anyway. We’re just… accepting what they’re giving to us.”

“Yeah, uh, sounds good to me,” Tomoe mumbled, folding the menu again. Neither of them wanted to look at that thing much longer.

A waiter stood by their table, seemingly out of nowhere. Whether he had heard their conversation or not, he did not show it, carrying a pitcher and gesturing to Tomoe’s half-empty glass. “Would you like a refill, miss?”

“Yeah!! Sure!” she answered, much too enthusiastically.

Himari reached for a breadstick.

…

By the time they paid the bill, Tomoe stifled her laughter. Himari had a hand covering her smile. She bowed her head to the waiter at the desk. “Thank you,” Himari couldn’t hold back the remark. “for the breadsticks.”

They nearly sprinted out of the restaurant. Tomoe jumped off the first step of the patio, reaching a hand back for Himari to hold onto. When she did, Tomoe pulled her close, and then they walked briskly away from the restaurant, before the manager decided that they had committed a robbery via free breadsticks.

“The breadsticks!” Tomoe leaned into Himari, gasping between laughs.

“They were pretty good, weren’t they?!” Himari wrapped an arm around Tomoe’s waist. They were making their way back downtown, and to the train station. “I’d even say it was better than the actual main dish.”

“How many baskets was that? We can’t go back there ever again.”

“We will! We have to,” she bumped hips with Tomoe. A smile spread on her face, and then Tomoe was beaming back at her, and—oh, this felt right. Himari felt warm all over. “Let’s bring everyone else next time. We’ll make it a party!!”

“They’re gonna hate us for it,” Tomoe rested a cheek atop of Himari’s head. They walked down a quiet side street, coming up to a park with a playset. “I think Moca’ll like it, though.”

They lingered by the empty park. In the restaurant, Himari had been so aware of the others around them, but by themselves, it was as if someone had pulled away the curtains and blinded her with the evening sun.

“Tomoe.”

“Huh?”

“Where was this Tomoe the entire time?” Himari stopped walking, bringing Tomoe to a halt beside her. She looked at their arms; they were wrapped around themselves, as if they couldn’t keep away from each other. They never had a problem with personal space, but they’d been dancing around each other all day. Breaking it now felt like they were stepping into something new altogether.

Himari stepped forward, so that she was even closer to Tomoe. She tilted her head upward.

“I think. She was with wherever this Himari was,” Tomoe said, breath caught in her throat. Oh, wow. Tomoe stared at her so intensely, like the rest of the world had drifted away and then it was just the two of them.

Himari felt her pulse in her ears. “She was waiting for you, but she got a little impatient watching you at the restaurant.”

“Sorry for being late,” Tomoe whispered.

“I miiight just forgive you,” she teased, poking Tomoe on the forehead.

Wasn’t this what she wanted all her life? Someone to sweep her off her feet, someone who was romantic enough and wonderful enough to go along with Himari’s antics? Well, yeah, but looking at the real deal now, Himari understood why it was supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. She wasn’t sure if her heart could handle another person treating her like this.

Himari glanced away from Tomoe, overwhelmed with how much of everything that her girlfriend was to her. That was when her eyes passed over the playground, with the see-saw, and the monkey bars, and then she found herself looking at the orange sunset.

The same sunset that gave Afterglow its name, promising to Ran that they and the rest of their friend group would never be alone. The same sun that overlooked their high school selves as they apologized, as they swore to be better. It was the same sun that they snuck onto the school roof to see on their graduation, and it was this same sun that she now watched in Tomoe’s arms.

Tomoe had followed her stare. “Man, I’ll be old and wrinkly and the sun won’t change a bit.”

“Aren’t we doing our usual thing?” Himari asked abruptly. The sun seeped into her bones, and it was as if the world around her had gotten brighter.

“Are we?” Tomoe raised an eyebrow at her.

“We were so  _awkward_ today, Tomoe,” she moved in for a hug, squeezing her arms around Tomoe’s waist. “It was so excruciating…! We had to steal breadsticks to break the ice. Breadsticks!! Look at us now, we’ve just been acting—"

“The same as always?” Tomoe interrupted her, smiling at her fondly.

Himari pouted, before nestling against Tomoe. “Yeah.”

Whatever tensions were left dissipated, and suddenly, Himari felt like she could breathe. Even better yet, it felt like things were falling into place. This was where they were supposed to be, who they were meant to be and with. Tomoe led them so that they were leaning against a railing, neither wanting to let go of the other.

“Ugh,” Himari sighed. “why were we so nervous, if nothing’s actually changed?”

Tomoe tightened her arms around Himari, bundling her up and making her stand in front of her. She raised her hands to cup Himari’s cheeks. Tomoe made no signs of being subtle as she stared at her lips. “Hey, at least one thing’s changed.”

Never one to break the act, Himari pondered aloud, “And what’s that?” as she leaned in.

Tomoe never had the chance to answer, their eyes fluttering shut as they closed the distance. Himari planted a soft kiss on her lips. She felt Tomoe’s thumb brush along her cheek, and her other hand sliding down to rest on the curve of her back. At that, Himari withdrew, but kept her lips near enough to Tomoe’s that they were nearly touching.

Her kisses were always so eager, Himari thought to herself. It might’ve been Himari who initiated the kiss, but it was Tomoe who always sought more. Tomoe’s hands tugged her closer. She craned her head, deepening the kiss and surrounding Himari with all of her. And Himari let her take the lead. It was easy, so easy, to talk to Tomoe about every little thing, but it was just as wonderful for the words to slip away and focus on each other.

Himari opened her eyes halfway to peek at Tomoe, only to find that she’d done the same. Tomoe broke out into a grin, and they pulled away, dumb smiles making their way onto their faces.

It was one moment among many, but it was theirs. With the sun on their backs and surrounded by a playground, it was equal parts a childhood crush, and something Himari wanted for the rest of her life.

“I think I need more of this,” she stated. Her hand was at Tomoe’s collar, directing her in for another kiss.

Himari didn’t need the dramatics for this part. She just needed Tomoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the Kekkai Sensen OST, ["Keep on the Sunny Side,"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpWacwSsxcA) and dindan sending this message awhile ago, "i feel like theyd both be like blushy nervous gay disasters at first [but then] theyre like oh shes just the same as always i had nothing to worry about"
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Candy (ft. past/future)

Tomoe hopped down from a stepladder, carrying a cardboard box in her arms.

Her room had a couple more boxes placed on the floor. Most were marked to be given away, while others were labelled with years or a specific person or event. Tomoe navigated herself around the boxes, humming to herself as she made her way to her bed. She plopped the box down first, before throwing herself onto the bed. It’d take the rest of the day to move everything from her room to the car then the donation center, but for now, Tomoe wanted to particularly take her time with this box.

Spring cleaning was one of life’s annual hobbies, and Tomoe liked the excuse to go through her things. The time of the year felt invigorated as students greeted the new school year. With that in mind, she took it upon herself to start everything anew, blowing off the dust on the clutter that had accumulated.

She was never one to hold onto trinkets. She was far from what she’d consider a packrat. For Tomoe, the best way to appreciate what she treasured was by incorporating them into her daily life.

It was for that reason that Tomoe liked dropping by the Yamabuki bakery after long shifts, catching up with Saaya as the girl tossed a few leftover baked goods into a brown bag. It was why Tomoe and Ako texted a constant flow of food pictures to each other. It was why, even if they didn’t live near each other, Tomoe found ways to include her girlfriend in her life.

Tomoe didn’t need mementos or souvenirs. She just needed the people she loved in her life.

Tomoe hoisted the box onto her lap. Her hand rested on the scribbled label that read  _Himari_ , before peeling the duct tape away.

On the other hand, Himari Uehara hoarded memories like shiny objects, as if she were a magpie claiming that there was always more to add to the nest. Opening the box revealed the well-worn head of the Afterglow mascot. The patchwork and stitches of the bear were undeniably Himari’s handiwork. Tomoe picked up the band mascot. If her memory served right, Tomoe only had to turn the bear around, and… one of the button eyes dropped onto her bed, just as she predicted.

“Time hasn’t treated you well, Mascot-san,” Tomoe laughed, playing with its mismatched arms.

_If you have any heart in you, let this old bear stay outside of the box,_ it seemed to plead. Tomoe tightened the bowtie at the bear’s neck, turning the bear over and around to inspect for more loose ends.  _Hii-chan wouldn’t want to see how you’ve treated meee…_

“When did you start sounding like Moca?” Besides the initial despair, the bear was holding up alright, so Tomoe placed it beside her on the bed.

The rest of the box’s contents seemed to jump out to Tomoe. Tucked to one side was manila folder stuffed to the brim with pictures, while letters between Himari and herself covered the bottom of the box. There was a little coin purse that Himari had bought for her after a trip up north. A broken music box rested in the middle of it all.

Tomoe was never one to hold onto broken things, but Himari had gotten it for her, and—well, even she had to admit that some gifts were irreplaceable.

She plucked the manila folder out of the box. Time and time again Tomoe swore she would buy a photo album, but again and again she would forget, until the bulky manila folder became the monster that it was to this day. Himari had printed out and sent her even more photos since she’d last held this folder. The problem only worsened.

Next time she was at a store she’d get that photo album. Next time.

A hand fished into the folder and pulled out a handful of pictures. The first that she laid eyes on was a photo of Tomoe sitting between Moca and Himari, her arms thrown over the two girls. They were at a family restaurant, and half of Himari’s plate was devastatingly clean; Moca had stolen most of it while the girl got their drinks. Himari was trying to be angry while Moca was attempting to be sorry, and Tomoe played peacekeeper, holding them close together. It was most likely Ran taking the photo, if Moca’s amused side look at the camera meant anything.

Another photo had Tsugumi and Moca huddled in front of the oven, waiting for their cupcakes to finish baking, and one other photo was of Himari and herself posing in front of fireworks. Ran showed up the least in the pictures, but they were there, in all these moments. It was all in harmless fun. Tomoe, twenty-one and figuring out her place in the world, wondered what else life had in store for them.

She poured the photos back into the folder. She then inserted it back into the box, before feeling it press down on something. Tomoe reached her other hand in.

When she withdrew her hand, she had the coin purse resting in her palm. It was simple and dark red. Tomoe hadn’t used it much even when she first received the gift, but she thought to keep it in case she would ever need it. Holding the coin purse in her hand now, however, Tomoe could feel that something was inside.

Tomoe set the box aside as she crossed her legs, unzipping the coin purse and turning it upside down. Shaking it once, then twice, a piece of wrapped candy fell into her other hand.

Ooh. Tomoe recognized this candy.

Himari liked carrying around candy and snacks for the group. It always seemed like she wanted everyone to expect it to, with the way that Moca would wait with bated breath between classes, or how Tsugumi slowly stopped bringing her own snacks from home. The most notable of Himari’s treats were the hard candies, like the one in her palm right now. On some live performances, she’d press these candies into each of their hands, forcing them to sit down and enjoy the taste.

At the memory of artificial strawberry, Tomoe unwrapped the piece of candy and popped it into her mouth.

Tomoe wound back to memories she’d forgotten.

The first time that Himari gave her this candy was in middle school, when Tomoe had scrapped her knee and cried at the sight of blood. She was still getting used to the sudden growth spurt, with Himari watching over her every step of the way. The sweetness of the candy had washed away the taste of iron, and Tomoe smiled up at Himari, saying she liked strawberry the most.

It was the first day of high school when Himari saw Tomoe lingering outside of the front gates, trying to put on a brave face for Ako. Himari unwrapped the candy for her. Before Tomoe could think of an excuse—that she was fine, that she wasn’t nervous about every new thing—Himari had pushed the candy into her mouth.

How could something so minute remind Tomoe of so much? She remembered kisses. She remembered their first kiss, clumsy and awkward, and she recalled more of them, random kisses throughout the days because they wanted to express so many things in one little gesture.

Himari always had this little habit, of standing on the tips of her toes as she kissed Tomoe, despite knowing Tomoe would gladly meet her halfway.

The candy soon melted in her mouth, and Tomoe bit into it, relishing in its sweetness. The warm feelings brought about by her girlfriend settled in the pit of her stomach. Then she grew uneasy. Then she realized that it wasn’t happiness that had settled, but a keen sense of longing. All these memories, of having Himari close and being able to hold her, they were reminders that Tomoe had stayed near home while Himari had moved away.

They’d been through this conversation before, of course.

Being in a long-distance relationship wasn’t convenient. It didn’t make either of them happy. It was hard for Tomoe to mention a significant other to a classmate, then be unable to bring Himari to any random event. At uni, it felt like Tomoe was especially aware of other couples, and how walking together hand in hand was a given. It wasn’t like anyone was outright telling her that they wouldn’t work out, but—when Tomoe remembered how much easier their relationship was, sometimes it felt harder than before.

Tomoe leaned backwards until she landed on her pillows. The candy had melted away.

That didn’t make accepting the distance any less difficult.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, unlocking it with a swipe and flicking to her recent calls. Tomoe pressed on Himari’s name. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she held her phone up to her ear.

Himari answered her call on the second ring.

“Tomoe, hey!!” Himari cried out. She sounded out of breath; was she jogging?

Small words like “I miss you” came to mind, but other messages, like getting frustrated at the distance, or feeling like she couldn’t go another day without Himari, those weren’t as easy to convey. Tomoe listened as Himari caught her breath on the other side of the call.

Tomoe had left a large part of her heart with her girlfriend. That had to be why her chest hurt so much, knowing that she couldn’t see Himari right then and there.

Did she always love Himari this much? Had they’d been overseas, or their time zones weren’t compatible, Tomoe imagined that she would still love Himari all the same. Her feelings wouldn’t be changing anytime soon.

“Tooommoee, you there?”

Was that all Tomoe needed? To hear her girlfriend’s voice?

“Yeah,” her voice came out garbled, as if all her emotions had backed up into her throat and she had to pull syllables out herself. “I’m here.”

“Oh my God, are you crying?” Himari became frantic at that. Tomoe could hear shuffling, then keys jingling. A car beeped a second later. “You’re supposed to call me before the crying starts, you know!! I’m picking up Tsugu, then I’m on my way, and we can knock on Ran and Moca’s apartment after we get you. You’re home, right?”

“No, no wait,” Tomoe laughed, her other hand brushing wet cheeks even as more tears filled her vision. It was just like Himari to charge ahead without thinking. “You don’t need to come all the way for that. It’ll be way too late by the time you go back.”

“But you called me because you were sad,” Himari deflated. Then, in a quiet voice, Himari asked, “Are you okay?”

Was she okay?

Tomoe heard the car door close. It beeped once more, in what she could only call remorse.

Nothing would be solved by today. Himari couldn’t up and leave her life to be closer, and neither could Tomoe, so they were at an impasse. After this call, Tomoe would still miss Himari. It was another month before they’d have time to be together in person.

“I’m better now that you answered,” Tomoe sniffled. She drew her knees close to her chest, curling up into a tight ball. Her mouth still tasted of strawberry. The aftertaste made her think of childish wishes, the kind that only Himari could tease out of her. “Himari?”

“What’s up?”

“Let’s move in together. After college.”

“Huh?!” Himari yelped into the call. “Tomoe—I mean, what brought this on?”

Tomoe rolled onto her side, anxious after her request. Was she rushing it? They’d been dating for a couple of years now, and been at each other’s sides for much longer, but was this too forward? They talked about the distance, but nothing about the future. Or, well, nothing about a permanent future. She didn’t know how to go about this at all.

“I was cleaning out my closet today, and I was goin’ through a box full of things that reminded me of you,” Tomoe admitted. There was no way about it but forward, she thought, raising a hand to wipe her cheeks. At least she wasn’t crying anymore. “I don’t think I can miss you any more than I do right now, Himari. I really, really wish you were here. We call and text every day, but it’s not the same as seeing you in front of me. I can’t force you to drop everything all the time, though. You wouldn’t ask me to do that…”

“So you wanted something in the future?” Himari finished her train of thought in a small voice.

“Just to get me through the hard times,” Tomoe clutched the phone closer, as if it could do anything to lessen the distance between her and her girlfriend.

She heard Himari sigh, and then what sounded like her entering her apartment.

“I,” Himari started. She then coughed loudly, as if to ask for a restart. “I know it’s been hard… it hasn’t been easy for me, either. Like, we’re only getting busier, too! It’s actually amazing how far we’ve come. All of us. Even Ran’s getting things figured out.”

“Mm,” Tomoe agreed.

“What I’m saying is that-! It’s hard to see the future, right? I don’t know what my life’ll be like by the time I graduate,” she continued speaking. It was a giveaway of Himari’s, to ramble when she was nervous. “I do know that, right now, I want to be with you, and I don’t see that changing.”

“Yeah,” Tomoe sat up, trying not to hold onto her words too tightly. She couldn’t help herself, though, not when that was exactly what she needed to hear. Himari wanted her in her life. “I feel the same. Right now, I want to be in your life.”

Himari laughed, something melodic and a little choked up. And Tomoe laughed alongside her, because it wasn’t her girlfriend if it didn’t leave a sweet aftertaste.

“Hey, you dork,” Himari jabbed at her. “Let’s talk about this again, okay? After our leases end on our last year.

“Okayy, okay,” Tomoe acquiesced. Her eyes landed on the patchwork Afterglow mascot, button eye missing and seams struggling to stay intact. Somehow, while she’d rolled around in bed, the candy wrapper had landed on its little bear head. “I’ll hold you to it, Himari.”

“Pffffbt, I’ll be the one reminding you, if anything!”

“Then I’ll just have to beat you by asking you first, in a year,” she countered.

_These memories are preeeetty sweet, huh?_ The bear seemed to muse in its Moca-voice. Tomoe picked the mascot up. A younger Himari had stayed up, exhausted from tennis and band practice, to finish these for everyone. In its stuffing were all the thoughts of Himari from a long time ago. A lot of love and effort went into making this little bear.

_Pretty sweet, indeed, Mascot-san_ , Tomoe played around with the bear in her hand.

“Do you still carry those strawberry candies?” she wondered aloud. “You know the one.”

“Huh? Oh, those? I’ve tried eating them less… but yes, I still carry them around, hehe. My college friends like them too.”

“Bring some the next time we see each other, yeah?” Tomoe pressed her forehead onto the bear. “Strawberry is my favorite flavor, after all.”

It might not be immediately, but Tomoe found herself feeling better. They’ll be together again soon, in the near future and after, and more times after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Toby Fox's ["Moonsetter."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75kJb_aAvKY)
> 
> I'm diverging from tmhm week from here on out LOL I merged the sixth prompt with today's prompt. I won't be doing tomorrow's, but I'll have two more chapters after this!! o__o Sometimes when you edit, things come out completely different than what they used to be, huh... Also, thank you to Michelle (not the bear!!) ^^ I rewrote the second half of this one after our talk, and I like where it went much more now.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
